Week 52: A Year in Review

Another year is ending.  It's been a good year - full of laughs, tears, hard work, overall craziness, and fun.

I fulfilled some of my resolutions/goals for the year - start and maintain a blog, complete my photography class, try my hand at tutoring, start an etsy business.  Some goals I did ok on - eat at least 3 fruits/veggies per day (pathetic I can't hardly meet that one, I know. . .), 100% visiting teaching, exercise at least 3 times a week, find new activities to do with our son.  Others I failed miserably at - take a picture every day, try at least 2 new recipes a month.  But hey, there's always next year, right? 

 

We still didn't finish the countless little things left to do in the kitchen,

but we did gut the basement and build it up again into a comfortable living space.

Alex went from a crawling, babbling baby boy with only two front teeth,

to a handsome boy who runs around tearing apart the house, demanding juice in fractured sentences. . .and yes, we do believe in good oral hygiene at our house. . . 

We had our struggles with infertility, ventured into the world of adoption, only to be completely surprised to find out that we were expecting.  Being pregnant while taking care of a very active toddler has been. . .challenging to say the least.  I honestly have no idea how women with multiple kids handle being pregnant.  Thank goodness my wonderful husband has been amazing as always and patiently stood by my side, even during those bad hormonal moments when I get mad at him for no particular reason, or when I turn into the Hulk because I haven't eaten anything in the past four hours and I NEED FOOD RIGHT THIS SECOND OR I WILL DIE!! . . .yeah, I'm not the best pregnant woman. . . 

Matt also gave me the best Christmas present ever this year!  He had a scrap piece of granite left over from our kitchen squared up so it will fit in our freezer and bought me some ice cream paddles.  Yeah that's right, I now have the tools to make ColdStone style ice cream at home.  It's pretty awesome!  I have the best husband ever!

Anyway, here's to the New Year!  A clean slate.  A chance to recommit to do a little more and work a little harder.  Here's to being better husbands and wives, parents, sons and daughters, neighbors, and friends.  Here's to strengthening old relationships and hopefully forging new ones.  Here's to creating lasting memories with those that we love most in the coming year.  Here's to finding the courage to take the road less traveled, to do those things that are hard, to stepping outside our comfort zone and maybe not always finding success, but hopefully self esteem, fulfillment, and happiness.  Here's to expanding our minds and improving our bodies.  Here's to becoming a little better physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  Here's to a good 2014!!

Happy New Year and happy photographing!    

Week 51: Christmas

Tomorrow is Christmas.

What?!  How did that happen already?

It seemed to come abnormally fast this year.  And since I still have a few neighbor gifts to deliver, I better hurry up before it's too late!  But I will leave you with this:

http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=911161814001&cid=HPWE121813271

 I hope that everyone has a very Merry Christmas tomorrow!!

Happy Photographing!

Week 50: Curtains!

Check it out, my latest project.  I finished them today!

Now to finish Christmas presents, make neighbor gifts, tutor, post more items on Etsy, clean the house, finish laundry, keep Alex and baby girl happy, and then maybe one day I can make some throw pillows for the couch.

Happy Photographing!!
    

Week 49: Etsy Store

Hey guess what?  I finally set up my etsy shop!!  There is one whole item up for sale!  Go me!!  Hopefully I'll have more items posted by the end of the week.  Feel free to check it out. . .not that there is much there yet, but there will be soon :) : http://www.etsy.com/shop/ZestyOrangePeel?ref=shop_sugg

I also opened a facebook page.  It doesn't really have anything on it yet either, but hey, we are slowly making progress!

Other than that, I'm not sure I have much else to post.  I didn't even take any pictures this week because I'm a slacker like that.  I finally feel mostly human again - no longer nauseous or completely exhausted - and I've been trying to catch up on all of the house projects and Christmas projects that have been on my list for the last several weeks.  My latest project - more curtains for the downstairs.  Perhaps next week I'll post pictures. . .they will be awesome!

Oh, one other thing!  Matt and I watched a documentary on Nova the other night called "A Walk to Beautiful".  For anyone who is into documentaries - women especially, check it out!  I loved it! The lives of some of the women featured in the show are unbelievable.  It makes all of my problems seem. . .very manageable in comparison. . .and rather pathetic.  I am so incredibly grateful for everything I've been blessed with in my life - a loving husband, supportive family, access to good doctors, a nice house, plenty of food, etc!  http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/body/a-walk-to-beautiful.html

Ok, this post kind of stinks, but Alex is destroying the house and the little girl I tend is getting hungry.  I will try to come up with something more interesting next week!

Happy photographing!

Week 48: Recent Developments

Thanks again for all of the thoughtful comments and well-wishing from last weeks post.  Matt and I are super excited that we are going to have another baby!!  I also apologize if it was a little TMI. . .I debated about how much detail to reveal, but in the end I decided that #1 - in order to truly understand how miraculous it really is, you have to have the background info, and #2 - I know there are at least a couple of you out there struggling with infertility issues and somehow once you're in that boat nothing is too personal, it's always interesting to hear other people's stories.  We really appreciate everything everyone has done for us though - all of the texts, comments, visits, thoughts, and prayers over the past couple months.  We feel truly blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives!  

Anyway. . .Thanksgiving came and went far too quickly; far too many calories were consumed (although I still REALLY REALLY want some more turkey), far too much time was spent pouring over Black Friday ads, far too many people were out shopping Friday and for whatever reason I felt the need to join them, but thankfully not too much money was actually spent over the weekend.  (I resisted buying boots and Matt resisted buying that 50" TV he was drooling over. . .)

And Monday it was back to normal life. . .although there were a couple interesting developments:

• I bought a new Christmas tree!  A big fat one!  And the best part?  I found it on KSL for $25.  Oh how I love a good deal!!!
  
  (Ok, it will look a lot better after I decorate it, but still. . .not bad for $25 :) )

• My pants are already getting tight.  This is truly depressing since I didn't have to make any maternity modifications until I was about 6 months along with Alex.  I'm only 14 weeks along and already starting to get a slight baby bump.  Rats.  Oh well, I'm just grateful I am pregnant!

• My baby boy is suddenly all grown up.  We converted his crib into a toddler bed this weekend and surprisingly have had tremendous success.  He has also started doing things for himself - usually they are things that are rather dangerous when I'm not looking, but still.  Yesterday he pushed the stool over to the counter, got out the bread, and made himself two pieces of toast while I was picking up the house.  He also got the gummy vitamin bottle open and helped himself to 10 gummies (thankfully I caught him on that one before he swallowed. . .).  Later that afternoon Alex and his friend managed to climb up on the counter and broke into my chocolate chip stash in the cupboard in the 2 minutes it took his mom and I to follow them upstairs.  Oh that child!  

• Also, I have made it a goal to have my Etsy store up and running by the end of the week.  I've been so tired and nauseous the last month I've had absolutely no motivation to anything.  Now that I'm finally feeling better, I have so many projects I want to catch up on.  If I declare it publicly, I am more likely to follow through. :)  

Happy photographing!

Week 47: Roller Coaster (Part 2)

For anyone who missed Roller Coaster Part 1, you can find it here: http://alaurendeau.blogspot.com/2013/09/week-37-rollercoaster.html

As Thanksgiving approaches, we have so much to be grateful for as our story continues.

Is this really happening?  May 31, 2014.  Needless to say, we aren't looking to adopt at this point in time.  This can't possibly be happening!  Is this really my life now?  Miraculously enough, yes, yes it is!   

For those of you who want the details, continue reading.  For those of you who don't care, feel free to stop here. :) 

I got a cold the last week in September.  I also missed my period but figured it was due to the emotional stress of the past month and thought nothing more of it.  The next week my pants started to feel a bit snug, so I resolved to exercise a little more and eat a little less junk; I tried to complete a P90X workout and almost passed out.  I began to feel more and more tired; I figured maybe it was the lingering symptoms of the cold. . . .then I started to feel nauseous.  "Dang, if I didn't know any better, I'd almost think I was pregnant."  But this was impossible.  So we met with our case worker and started trying to make sense of the long adoption process ahead of us.

Things did not improve over the following week.  I felt completely exhausted and sick to my stomach.  I finally concluded there must be something seriously wrong with me, and resolved to take a pregnancy test - just to make sure - and then go see a dr.  I bought a cheap $1 test.  Positive.

POSITIVE?!!??????
POSITIVE??!!!??????????? 
POSITIVE???!!!??!?!????!?!????!?!???!??!

Let me pause here just for a moment and emphasize how truly miraculous those two little lines on that test were.  Fertility depends a lot on your age, weight, health, genetics, etc., but average sperm count ranges from 20-40 million; and with those 20-40 million swimmers, a couple only has about 15-25% chance of conceiving each month.  Of course there are things you can do to improve the odds, but looking at the whole picture, it's fairly surprising when anyone gets pregnant.  So taking this into mind, consider now where Matt and I were.  We had two semen tests done that both showed a sperm count FAR below 20-40 million. . . they were ZERO.  Matt was diagnosed with Primary Testicular Failure - which basically means the boys shut down, no one knows why, and there's nothing they can do to treat it.  It is a permanent condition, irreversible, unchanging.

It had seemed pretty clear that the chance of us getting pregnant was non-existent. . .so you can imagine our surprise!  When I told Matt, he asked, "Whom, may I ask, is the father?!"  When I assured him that there was no possible way it could be anyone else, he asked, "How did that happen?"  "I don't know. . ."  (In his defense I don't think he ever actually thought I cheated on him, he was just a little shocked, as you can imagine.)  I think both of us couldn't quite believe the positive test until a couple weeks later when we were sitting in the doctor's office.  "The fetus is in the right spot, it has a good strong heartbeat, everything looks good!"  Holy crap, this is actually happening!   

When we initially found out the news of our infertility, there was a lot of talk of miracles.  "So and so got pregnant after the doctors said it was impossible!"  "My best friend's neighbor's sister in-law got pregnant after chemo!"  That's great for your best friend's neighbor's sister in-law, and believe me, I would congratulate her if I ever had the chance.  It's always good to hear those types of stories.  I'm a big believer in miracles, but let's be honest: for every one of those stories, there are plenty more where a couple was hoping for a miracle that never came.  At least not in the way they wanted it to.  There are at least three families right here in our neighborhood who's dreams of having their own biological children never happened.  All three families are absolutely incredible - good, honest people who work hard to do what's right and help those around them.  In my mind all three of these families "deserved" a miracle.  But guess what?  It never happened.  And guess what else?  Their lives didn't end.  They all went on to adopt and became fantastic parents who loved and accepted the children as their own.  I'm sure all three of those women would admit that there is still some pain at never being able to get pregnant and carry a baby to full term - even though it's been many years for some of them - but I'm also fairly sure that they would admit that they found just as much joy and fulfillment in becoming parents as anyone else.   

As I listened to people's adoptive stories, it was pretty incredible.  All of them experienced times of hurt, loss, and frustration.  But each story had some element where it's as if the planets aligned, and for one random reason or another, the birth parent and adoptive parents would both know without a doubt that that child was meant to be theirs.  And to see the joy in these people's faces as they talked about how they felt when they were first able to hold that little baby, when the adoption papers were signed and that baby was officially theirs, when they were able to take their other children and be sealed together as a family across the sacred alters of the temple, their stories are truly a miracle. 

So I spent a month building myself up.  Yes, I was sad that I probably wouldn't get pregnant again.  I recognized that there was a chance - anything is possible, but really, what's the point of holding out for a miracle?  Yes, adoption would undoubtedly have it's hard times, both in getting a baby and raising him or her.  But I came to see it in a whole new light - adoption is a miracle, it can be incredibly beautiful, and I was excited to experience it.  And it was at this point that I found out I was pregnant.

Talk about a 180. . .

We are so so excited though!  We are incredibly grateful for this tremendous miracle that has happened in our lives.  I have no idea why we had to go through this, or what might lay ahead.  Perhaps we will have another miracle in a couple years or perhaps we will go on to adopt.  Perhaps a few years down the road we will become foster parents.  Who knows?!  I'm done trying to plan my life.  I can only imagine God sitting up there saying, "Oh Amanda, you just think you know what's going to happen, just you wait!"  And so I will wait and be grateful for the things that have happened thus far. We have so much to be grateful for!

I hope everyone has a fantastic Thanksgiving this week!

Happy photographing! 

Week 46: TWO!!!

I feel the need to apologize once again; Alex has dominated many posts lately and for everyone other than grandparents, it's probably not all that interesting to read.  I intended this blog to be more about photography, but Alex definitely takes the spotlight on most posts.  But then again we don't get out much and he is the most exciting thing to photograph around here. . .either way, sorry, this post is no different.

Alex is officially TWO!  I'm not really sure how that happened; I feel like he was just recently that tiny baby in the NICU, but now he is an extremely energetic inquisitive toddler running around creating confusion and chaos wherever he goes.  It's a bit of an understatement to say that he can be a lot of work, but holy cow he is so much fun these days!  The workings of a toddler mind are often hilarious - "hmmm, how does this saltine cracker that I found under the table taste dipped in my yogurt?  YUM!", "this empty can would make an awesome drum, and after I'm done banging, it would make a nice hat!", "I can't possibly leave the house without all 10 of my trucks!", "it's naked time RIGHT NOW and NO I will not wear pants!", etc.  His logic is awesome!

His birthday was so fun this year!  We decided to have the tradition of decorating his room, so Matt blew up 34 balloons and we scattered them around his room the night before.  The next morning we woke up at 5:50 am with Alex squealing in delight.  He had a grand time playing with balloons!

I made Alex scrambled eggs and truck toast for breakfast - he refused to eat the toast and just drove it around his plate instead.  He helped me make his birthday cake by licking the beaters for me.  He got to go hang out with grandma and grandpa after his nap so that I could get everything ready, and all of the family came over later that night for Alex's birthday party.

He actually opened his presents almost without help this year.

He was pretty excited by most things, but he gave me a seriously dirty look when he opened the monkey backpack/leash that I bought for him.

Alex got very excited by his birthday cake.

He was so excited that he didn't even want his own piece of cake, but preferred to sit and use the excavator to dig more into the cake. . .although that didn't stop him completely from tasting some cake every now and then.

Who needs a fork when you have a bulldozer?

Happy birthday to my sweet sweet little boy!!

Happy photographing!

Week 45: Family Photos

Good news: I found my camera charger. 

Bad news: I still didn't take any pictures this week.

Good news: I got our family pictures that Andrea Dansie took a couple weeks ago.  Alex in true 2-year-old fashion didn't want to cooperate, but she still managed to get some really good ones.  These are my favorite:

I grew up with Andrea's husband and let me tell you he is one lucky man; Andrea is awesome!  She's super cute, easy to work with, reasonably priced (this coming from one of the cheapest people in the world!) and she does a fantastic job.  The next time you need a photographer for anything from weddings to birthing stories to senior portraits to family pictures, give her a call.  Check out her website (http://www.andreajdansiephotography.com/) and like her on facebook!

Thanks Andrea!!

Happy photographing!

Week 44: Toddlers (Part 3)

Sorry, no post last week.  We took another trip to Rexburg to visit my cousin and then with Halloween I simply ran out of time.  I also lost my battery charger for my camera and both batteries are now dead. . . I really need to find it today. 

As usual this Halloween we procrastinated finding costumes.  A day before the family Halloween party while shopping at Goodwill trying unsuccessfully to find SOMETHING to use as a costume, Alex found a plastic pirate sword that he immediately fell in love with.  Since it was only $2, and since grandma was there, the sword came home with us and I finally decided we would all be pirates for Halloween.  Matt and I had dressed up as pirates a couple years back for a party, so we already had costumes, and really, how hard could it be to make a little boy's pirate costume?

Since Alex refuses to wear anything on his head these days, I opted to forgo the pirate hat altogether - it just wasn't worth the battle.  I bought a cheap white shirt at Hobby Lobby and painted red stripes on it.  I make a little black vest out of scrap fabric and a red sash to go around his waist.  My mom and I made some boot coverings to go over his black shoes (so that it looks like tall pirate boots), have him wear his black church pants, and ta da!  He would be one good looking pirate, . . .well, ok it could have been better, but really, I only had a day to put it together.

The night of the party came.  This is the outfit we ended up with.

No how, no way was he going to wear the sash or the boots.  We only got him to wear the vest after several minutes of screaming.  Matt and I both tried to be strong, "Look kid!  You are going to put this on, you are going to look darling, and you are going to LIKE IT!!"  I'm the mom, I'm bigger than him, and he should do what I say.  After all, all I really want is for him to have a pinterest worthy costume and to have that perfect family photo to post on facebook.  Is that too much to ask?  I'm rapidly learning that for a two year old, yes, that is often WAY too much to ask. :)

We fought the costume battle again on Halloween.  I improved my tactics this time around as I was getting him ready to go to Matt's work for some trick-or-treating.

"Alex, let's put on your vest!"
"NO!!"
"Alex, do you want to go see dad and get some candy?"
"Dad? Yeah!!"
"Then let's put on your vest and we can go."
"NO!!  NO!!"
"Do you want a treat?"
"Yes!"
"Put on your vest and you can have a treat."
"NO!"

I gave up.  Matt tried again once we got there, but was equally unsuccessful.  Alex went as a kid in a striped shirt for Halloween.  Parental fail.

But on the other hand, maybe not.  Yes, our costumes were not even close to pinterest worthy, but Alex had a blast collecting candy.  It was so much fun to see him walk around to 250+ desks collecting candy, refusing to let us carry his plastic pumpkin even though it got way too heavy for him to carry.  And it appears that we are raising an extremely independent child who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to fight for it.  And maybe that's not such a bad thing after all. . .

Happy photographing! 

Week 42: Silver Lake

We walked around Silver Lake yesterday. 

It was slightly dispiriting.  All signs of fall are already gone. 

 

Yes, I'm afraid to report, winter is on it's way.  Snow, ice, cold, . . . yep, it's already beginning! :( 

Despite the cold, we still had a lot of fun.  Alex in true two year old fashion had a grand time throwing rocks in the lake with grandma.

Last week Matt introduced Alex to drumming, this week: mountain biking.

I fear what Matt might try to teach Alex next. . .

Happy photographing! 

Week 41: Drummer in Training

Matt introduced Alex to a new skill yesterday. . .drumming. 

Not with real drums of course, after all he's not even two and we are cheap, but we improvised. 

Alex had a blast and played for 30 minutes solid.  I fear my world just got a whole lot louder. . .

Happy photographing!

Week 40: Zesty Orange Peel

In light of recent developments we now have a new goal; it's called "come up with enough money to pay for adoption". 

I'm just going to say it, saving sucks!  Obviously it's a necessity, or at least it should be, but trying to cut out a couple hundred $$ from our monthly budget is MUCH easier said than done.  So I've tried to approach the problem from the opposite end as well and come up with ways that I can start financially contributing again. 

The quickest way to come up with $$ would be for me to go back to work, but let's be honest, it would kill me to leave our little boy and I haven't been up and ready by 8 am for two years now.  Yes, being a stay-at-home mom is a ton of work with no pay, but it's awesome and I'm not willing to give that up!

So since that isn't a real option, I've started thinking outside the box.  I tend a little girl two days a week and I tutor math more these days (so hey, if you know anyone who needs math help, send them my way!!).  The last couple weeks I've also embarked on a new project, one that I find very exciting, and one that will hopefully bring a little bit of $$.  What is this new venture, you might ask?  I'll give you a hint:

And three words: Zesty Orange Peel

 

Hopefully everything will be up and running by the end of the month!  

Wish me luck!

Happy Photographing!

Week 39: Tower of Tissues

Guess what I did this weekend? . . .

Being sick is no fun. 

Thankfully I'm on the mend.

Hopefully next week I will have more exciting pictures and things to write about.  But for now, I'm going to take another nap.

Happy photographing!

Week 38: Thanks!

As I've mentioned in the last couple blog posts, sometimes life doesn't go the way you think it should, sometimes things don't work out, and sometimes life just plain sucks.  Sometimes you need to take time to mourn the things that went wrong, sometimes you need to escape the world while you work through emotions, and sometimes you just need to sit down with a good chick flick and a pint of Tillamook Mudslide ice cream :).

And then sometimes you just need to be grateful.

And that is what I want to focus on today.

First off, thank you so SO much for all of the comments, text messages, phone calls, visits, and treats last week!!  I was overwhelmed by the tremendous outpouring of love from all of you.  It was pretty incredible to recognize how many awesome people I have in my life supporting us as we go through this and I am so grateful for all of you!  I feel good with our decision to adopt, and I think for the most part I've come to terms with the fact that we are most likely never going to have kids naturally again.  That being said, I'm sure there are going to be hard days ahead, and I'm grateful that I have so many great friends I can turn to! 

Secondly, a huge thanks to these guys!!

The other day Jenny calls me, "So, I have a proposition for you . . .do you want to go to Disneyland?"
      "Ah, yeah! . . .why?. . ."
      "Josh won a free trip for four to Disneyland for next weekend, do you guys want to go?"
      "Seriously?!  Of COURSE!!"
And so we went.  We had a blast!  I'm so grateful for Josh and Jenny's friendship. . .and not just because they win contests and invite us along on free vacations, although that was a definite perk. . .jk!  Josh and Jenny were the ones that first talked to us at church when we moved in, and we have been enjoying their friendship ever since!  Thanks!!

Thanks to our parents for watching Alex while we were gone.  We appreciate it so much!  Some might say that I'm a cruel mother for not taking him with us, but let's be honest - I love that kid more than anything but it was nice to have a little break . . . that and I really like going on the big roller coasters. . .  Our family does so much for us and we are so grateful!

Thanks to my grandma for helping me be domestic the last couple weeks and thanks for watching Alex while I tutor.

Thanks to my wonderful husband for always making me laugh, always supporting me in my crazy ideas, and always standing by my side through the good times and the bad.  I love you!!

There is so much to be grateful for if we only take the time to look.  Thanks to all of you! 

Happy photographing!

Week 37: Roller Coaster

Do you ever have those moments where you pause, look around at your life, and wonder how on earth you got there?

Roomies!

I remember the day I moved up to Utah State after high school.  My mom had said her goodbyes after helping me unload my stuff and buying me lunch at Taco Bell.  I sat on my new bed in Bullen Hall #106 surrounded by books and boxes, trying to memorize the campus map and schedule so as to not get lost on the first day of classes, realizing for the first time that I was on my own, and I really only knew maybe six people total in all of Logan.  I was confident that I could make it on my own, but it was one of those moments - is this really happening?  Is this really my life now?  Yes, yes it is. 

The view from our apartment

Fast forward a year and a half.  I had met Matt, had a ring on my finger and a wedding date set in 6 months.  I had just stepped off the airplane after 20+ long hours of traveling.  I was exhausted.  It was only 4 pm, but it was already dark in St. Petersburg, Russia.  I greeted the host family I'd be staying with for the next five months and wearily climbed into the back of their car.  I frantically clutched the handle of the car as my host dad weaved in and out of traffic at 125 kilometers per hour - I couldn't remember the conversion, but at the time it seemed WAY too fast.  As we entered the busy streets of the city he pulled on the parking brake at a stop light, got out of the car, and started yelling at a guy in another car.  Not knowing a word of Russian, I had no idea what he said.  As we pulled up to the ugly dilapidated communist block apartment building where they lived, once again - how on earth did I get here?  Is this really happening?  Is this really my life now?  Yes, yes it is.

+, +, maybe +, +, + = heart attack

After surviving Russia and enjoying 5 happy years of marriage, Matt and I decided we were ready to have a baby.  We tried unsuccessfully for 7 months to get pregnant.  By February, Matt had mentioned that he hoped I wouldn't get pregnant that month - I was working at CRS as an Engineer, Matt was going to graduate in May, our lease was up at the end of May, there weren't ANY companies hiring, and we honestly had no idea what we were going to do/where we were going to go that summer.  While I really wanted to get pregnant, there was so much uncertainty at the time, I had to agree with Matt.  But then it happened.  I missed my period.  I came home and took a pregnancy test, then 4 more tests just to make sure.  I was pregnant.  Matt was so shocked when I told him that he wouldn't even talk to me that night.  Is this really happening?  Is this really my life now?  Yes, yes it is.

Sweet little guy!

8 months later we were frantically trying to get our house in a decent condition to welcome our new little boy.  With 5 weeks until my due date there was much to be done.  I went to work that day, just like any other day, and assured my boss that I would be able to finish up this new project before I went on maternity leave.  I went home and began laying out the pattern I had made to paint a tree on the nursery wall.  I stood up, ran to the bathroom - red.  My heart was pounding and I couldn't stop shaking as we quickly drove to the hospital.  I was rushed into a room and thank goodness everything was ok, but there were no real answers.  The next day sitting in my hospital bed shopping online for the baby essentials - crib, car seat, stroller, changing table.  Two days later we had our little baby in the NICU.  I knew all along that everything would be ok, but it was much too soon, so much left undone!  Is this really happening?  Is this really my life now?  Yes, yes it is.

Last week sitting in the Dr.'s office awaiting to hear the news of the latest test.  "I'm sorry, there's a chance we could do in vitro, but otherwise, there's nothing we can do."  And just like that, an icy dagger shatters my dreams of ever getting pregnant again.  I feel as though someone has punched me in the gut.  I believe in miracles, and I believe that God has power to do all things, but I don't feel like I should sit around waiting for one.  And so we fill out the adoption application.  I try to suppress the pain that comes with giving away my maternity clothes.  I try to be grateful for the blessing of our sweet son.  All of the sudden we have joined the thousands of couples struggling with infertility, hoping somehow, someway that we will be able to expand our little family.  Is this really happening?  Is this really my life now?  Yes, yes it is. 

Life is a roller coaster with it's constant ups and downs.  At times I wish that it could be easier.  At times I just wish I could have things my way.  At those times I realize how much I really don't have a say.  I believe ultimately God is in control, that things happen for a reason, and that these ups and downs are not just placed in front of us to make life miserable, but to make us stretch, to grow, to achieve our full potential.  I realize how far I have come from that young girl away from home for the first time.  I recognize I have a long way to go.  Sometimes I don't like what happens in life, but looking back I can see how it is good for me, and how truly blessed I have been.  God has been at my side every step of the way, and this latest trial will be no different.  The thought of all the paperwork, home inspections, payments, absence of answers, and the unlimited wait time are mind boggling at the moment.  But at least we have Alex.  At least we have medical answers and aren't waiting around with false hope.  At least we have each other.  And for now that is enough.

Happy photographing!

Week 36: The Bug

You know that country song, "Sometimes you're the windshield, Sometimes you're the bug. . ."?  This week I felt like the bug.  We received some bad news on Tuesday that has been really difficult to come to terms with.  Alex for whatever reason has decided this week that biting is fun and I'm learning more and more what the phrase "terrible twos" is all about.  To top it off our computer got a virus and was locked up for a couple days . . It was definitely a bug type of week!

But life is never all bad, and as I've spent way too much time dwelling on the negative this week, it is time to think of happier things.  We went opening night to the State Fair, and I'm fairly sure we need to make it an annual thing - the weather was great, tickets were half off, there weren't too many people, the produce displays weren't completely shriveled, the animal buildings still smelled of sweet hay, it was great!  Alex had a grand time running around checking out all the animals.

I don't know about you yet. . .

but I like you!

You are kind of funny looking. . .

  


I also tried something new:

That, my friends, is raw honey.  There were some bee keepers at the fair selling it, and they have opened my eyes!  I've read the articles circulating facebook about the health benefits of raw honey and while I usually don't buy into such trends, I have been curious.  My interest piqued when I asked the bee keeper if there was a difference in taste, and she responded, "Yes!  It's like eating a store bought tomato vs. a tomato picked fresh from your garden."  Matt and I bought a bottle and conducted our own taste test.  I must admit, I have to agree with her on this one.  Raw honey has so much more flavor; it is delicious!!

So there's the lesson for the week: when life is crappy and you feel like the bug, eat some raw honey and everything will be so much sweeter!

Happy photographing! 

Week 35: Miracle

A miracle has happened my friends,

I submitted my final photography project yesterday.

I am done!!  YAY!!!  It only took me two years to finish what I probably could have done in two weeks had I really worked on it consistently; but I finished, so that's what counts, right?  I'm not sure I learned as much as I had hoped, but in the end I am a better photographer than when I first started, so that's all that matters.  What happens from here?  No idea.  There is so much more to learn!  I have some photography books and numerous photo tutorials pinned on Pinterest I want to read.  I also want to start a 30 day picture challenges.  We will see where I end up.

In other news it has been another eventful week.  Tuesday I went with my neighbor to a mixed martial arts class.  It was . . . interesting.  If only I had had my camera then!  When she said it was an exercise class at her gym, I pictured exercise class - you know where the instructor is up front and 10-20 people just do their best to follow along.  But no!  This was like Rocky style boxing gym, with about 15 sweaty guys who I'm sure have spent the last 10 years studying fighting techniques; this was a class where martial arts etiquette is observed, where the instructor examines your every move, where you put on a pair of boxing gloves and yell as you punch your partner, where you practice grappling techniques on the floor. . .and then there's me, who doesn't even really know how to throw a punch and likes to maintain my personal bubble. . . Let's just say I got to know my neighbor a little more intimately than I really wanted to.  I'm sure I looked like an idiot, and I honestly have no intentions of continuing my martial arts training, but it made for a good laugh and a good workout. :)

I also started tending a baby girl two days a week.  I have a whole new respect for those that have more than one kid!  Alex was incredibly jealous; he freaked out when she had the nerve to touch his beloved blanket.  At one point the baby was crying unable to go to sleep, Alex was screaming because I was holding her, and yeah. . .it was rough at times.  Hopefully things will improve!

My parents taught Alex how to control the hose on Sunday.

Talk about ultimate power for a two year old!  He had a grand time squirting grandma, grandpa, and great grandma, watching them attempt to run from the water.  He was laughing so hard he couldn't stand up at times.  It was hilarious. :)

Last but not least, it is Grandma Pitts 75th birthday today.

I asked her to pose for me so I could take her picture for my class; this is what I got. . .Happy birthday Grandma!!  May I grow up to be as glamorous and fun as you are! 

Happy photographing!

Week 34: Ta-da!

Confession: I didn't take any pictures all week.

And we didn't go camping due to bad weather.  Camping in rainy windy weather with little people seemed like a bad idea.   

But on the upside I actually read two sections and took a test for my photography class today.  I think I have a whole 5 days left to finish.  Will I finish?  Maybe?. . .I mean, of course I will. . .  Nothing like working under a deadline, right?!

In the mean time, I never posted pictures of our awesome downstairs.  Check it out!  We have stairs:    

 

And a play room for Alex's many toys:

And a family room:

We still need to install window sills, get vent covers, hang pictures, add window treatments, refinish furniture, and buy a big screen tv if Matt gets his way, but hey, we actually have a room again!!  Yay!

Happy photographing!

Week 33: Nearing the End

A horrible thing happened the other day. . .

Alex woke up at 6 am yesterday morning, which unfortunately is fairly typical, but. . .

it was dark outside.

And I realized the inevitable.

The end of summer is almost here.

I love love love summer.  I love the heat.  I love the long days.  I love the sun.  I love being able to go outside and play.  I love July's fireworks.  I love August's fresh garden produce.  I love going camping.  I love hanging out at parks.  I love playing in water.  I love going on walks along the parkway.  I love having BBQs.  I love it all! 

And I hate when it ends.

It always seems like summer will last forever, and somehow every year I am always surprised and disappointed when the days start getting shorter, the temperature drops, and I'm left with so many unfulfilled plans of going on hikes and hanging out with friends.  Before you know it, we will be back to the bitter cold smoggy days of January.  Boo. 

On the upside, Matt and I have tried to make the most of it this month.  Last week was camping up Logan Canyon.  This week we went camping with some extended family at my parents cabin in WY - which any event with my family is bound to be interesting and this trip didn't disappoint!  This week we set out for a third and final time camping with friends.  I only broke out my camera once this last weekend, and here are the best pictures.  Sorry grandparents, no good ones of Alex this time; but in my defense, Alex has dominated over the last couple weeks.  It's time for a little break :).  

I hope you all make the most of the last couple weeks of summer!
Happy photographing!