Week 39: Tower of Tissues

Guess what I did this weekend? . . .

Being sick is no fun. 

Thankfully I'm on the mend.

Hopefully next week I will have more exciting pictures and things to write about.  But for now, I'm going to take another nap.

Happy photographing!

Week 38: Thanks!

As I've mentioned in the last couple blog posts, sometimes life doesn't go the way you think it should, sometimes things don't work out, and sometimes life just plain sucks.  Sometimes you need to take time to mourn the things that went wrong, sometimes you need to escape the world while you work through emotions, and sometimes you just need to sit down with a good chick flick and a pint of Tillamook Mudslide ice cream :).

And then sometimes you just need to be grateful.

And that is what I want to focus on today.

First off, thank you so SO much for all of the comments, text messages, phone calls, visits, and treats last week!!  I was overwhelmed by the tremendous outpouring of love from all of you.  It was pretty incredible to recognize how many awesome people I have in my life supporting us as we go through this and I am so grateful for all of you!  I feel good with our decision to adopt, and I think for the most part I've come to terms with the fact that we are most likely never going to have kids naturally again.  That being said, I'm sure there are going to be hard days ahead, and I'm grateful that I have so many great friends I can turn to! 

Secondly, a huge thanks to these guys!!

The other day Jenny calls me, "So, I have a proposition for you . . .do you want to go to Disneyland?"
      "Ah, yeah! . . .why?. . ."
      "Josh won a free trip for four to Disneyland for next weekend, do you guys want to go?"
      "Seriously?!  Of COURSE!!"
And so we went.  We had a blast!  I'm so grateful for Josh and Jenny's friendship. . .and not just because they win contests and invite us along on free vacations, although that was a definite perk. . .jk!  Josh and Jenny were the ones that first talked to us at church when we moved in, and we have been enjoying their friendship ever since!  Thanks!!

Thanks to our parents for watching Alex while we were gone.  We appreciate it so much!  Some might say that I'm a cruel mother for not taking him with us, but let's be honest - I love that kid more than anything but it was nice to have a little break . . . that and I really like going on the big roller coasters. . .  Our family does so much for us and we are so grateful!

Thanks to my grandma for helping me be domestic the last couple weeks and thanks for watching Alex while I tutor.

Thanks to my wonderful husband for always making me laugh, always supporting me in my crazy ideas, and always standing by my side through the good times and the bad.  I love you!!

There is so much to be grateful for if we only take the time to look.  Thanks to all of you! 

Happy photographing!

Week 37: Roller Coaster

Do you ever have those moments where you pause, look around at your life, and wonder how on earth you got there?

Roomies!

I remember the day I moved up to Utah State after high school.  My mom had said her goodbyes after helping me unload my stuff and buying me lunch at Taco Bell.  I sat on my new bed in Bullen Hall #106 surrounded by books and boxes, trying to memorize the campus map and schedule so as to not get lost on the first day of classes, realizing for the first time that I was on my own, and I really only knew maybe six people total in all of Logan.  I was confident that I could make it on my own, but it was one of those moments - is this really happening?  Is this really my life now?  Yes, yes it is. 

The view from our apartment

Fast forward a year and a half.  I had met Matt, had a ring on my finger and a wedding date set in 6 months.  I had just stepped off the airplane after 20+ long hours of traveling.  I was exhausted.  It was only 4 pm, but it was already dark in St. Petersburg, Russia.  I greeted the host family I'd be staying with for the next five months and wearily climbed into the back of their car.  I frantically clutched the handle of the car as my host dad weaved in and out of traffic at 125 kilometers per hour - I couldn't remember the conversion, but at the time it seemed WAY too fast.  As we entered the busy streets of the city he pulled on the parking brake at a stop light, got out of the car, and started yelling at a guy in another car.  Not knowing a word of Russian, I had no idea what he said.  As we pulled up to the ugly dilapidated communist block apartment building where they lived, once again - how on earth did I get here?  Is this really happening?  Is this really my life now?  Yes, yes it is.

+, +, maybe +, +, + = heart attack

After surviving Russia and enjoying 5 happy years of marriage, Matt and I decided we were ready to have a baby.  We tried unsuccessfully for 7 months to get pregnant.  By February, Matt had mentioned that he hoped I wouldn't get pregnant that month - I was working at CRS as an Engineer, Matt was going to graduate in May, our lease was up at the end of May, there weren't ANY companies hiring, and we honestly had no idea what we were going to do/where we were going to go that summer.  While I really wanted to get pregnant, there was so much uncertainty at the time, I had to agree with Matt.  But then it happened.  I missed my period.  I came home and took a pregnancy test, then 4 more tests just to make sure.  I was pregnant.  Matt was so shocked when I told him that he wouldn't even talk to me that night.  Is this really happening?  Is this really my life now?  Yes, yes it is.

Sweet little guy!

8 months later we were frantically trying to get our house in a decent condition to welcome our new little boy.  With 5 weeks until my due date there was much to be done.  I went to work that day, just like any other day, and assured my boss that I would be able to finish up this new project before I went on maternity leave.  I went home and began laying out the pattern I had made to paint a tree on the nursery wall.  I stood up, ran to the bathroom - red.  My heart was pounding and I couldn't stop shaking as we quickly drove to the hospital.  I was rushed into a room and thank goodness everything was ok, but there were no real answers.  The next day sitting in my hospital bed shopping online for the baby essentials - crib, car seat, stroller, changing table.  Two days later we had our little baby in the NICU.  I knew all along that everything would be ok, but it was much too soon, so much left undone!  Is this really happening?  Is this really my life now?  Yes, yes it is.

Last week sitting in the Dr.'s office awaiting to hear the news of the latest test.  "I'm sorry, there's a chance we could do in vitro, but otherwise, there's nothing we can do."  And just like that, an icy dagger shatters my dreams of ever getting pregnant again.  I feel as though someone has punched me in the gut.  I believe in miracles, and I believe that God has power to do all things, but I don't feel like I should sit around waiting for one.  And so we fill out the adoption application.  I try to suppress the pain that comes with giving away my maternity clothes.  I try to be grateful for the blessing of our sweet son.  All of the sudden we have joined the thousands of couples struggling with infertility, hoping somehow, someway that we will be able to expand our little family.  Is this really happening?  Is this really my life now?  Yes, yes it is. 

Life is a roller coaster with it's constant ups and downs.  At times I wish that it could be easier.  At times I just wish I could have things my way.  At those times I realize how much I really don't have a say.  I believe ultimately God is in control, that things happen for a reason, and that these ups and downs are not just placed in front of us to make life miserable, but to make us stretch, to grow, to achieve our full potential.  I realize how far I have come from that young girl away from home for the first time.  I recognize I have a long way to go.  Sometimes I don't like what happens in life, but looking back I can see how it is good for me, and how truly blessed I have been.  God has been at my side every step of the way, and this latest trial will be no different.  The thought of all the paperwork, home inspections, payments, absence of answers, and the unlimited wait time are mind boggling at the moment.  But at least we have Alex.  At least we have medical answers and aren't waiting around with false hope.  At least we have each other.  And for now that is enough.

Happy photographing!

Week 36: The Bug

You know that country song, "Sometimes you're the windshield, Sometimes you're the bug. . ."?  This week I felt like the bug.  We received some bad news on Tuesday that has been really difficult to come to terms with.  Alex for whatever reason has decided this week that biting is fun and I'm learning more and more what the phrase "terrible twos" is all about.  To top it off our computer got a virus and was locked up for a couple days . . It was definitely a bug type of week!

But life is never all bad, and as I've spent way too much time dwelling on the negative this week, it is time to think of happier things.  We went opening night to the State Fair, and I'm fairly sure we need to make it an annual thing - the weather was great, tickets were half off, there weren't too many people, the produce displays weren't completely shriveled, the animal buildings still smelled of sweet hay, it was great!  Alex had a grand time running around checking out all the animals.

I don't know about you yet. . .

but I like you!

You are kind of funny looking. . .

  


I also tried something new:

That, my friends, is raw honey.  There were some bee keepers at the fair selling it, and they have opened my eyes!  I've read the articles circulating facebook about the health benefits of raw honey and while I usually don't buy into such trends, I have been curious.  My interest piqued when I asked the bee keeper if there was a difference in taste, and she responded, "Yes!  It's like eating a store bought tomato vs. a tomato picked fresh from your garden."  Matt and I bought a bottle and conducted our own taste test.  I must admit, I have to agree with her on this one.  Raw honey has so much more flavor; it is delicious!!

So there's the lesson for the week: when life is crappy and you feel like the bug, eat some raw honey and everything will be so much sweeter!

Happy photographing! 

Week 35: Miracle

A miracle has happened my friends,

I submitted my final photography project yesterday.

I am done!!  YAY!!!  It only took me two years to finish what I probably could have done in two weeks had I really worked on it consistently; but I finished, so that's what counts, right?  I'm not sure I learned as much as I had hoped, but in the end I am a better photographer than when I first started, so that's all that matters.  What happens from here?  No idea.  There is so much more to learn!  I have some photography books and numerous photo tutorials pinned on Pinterest I want to read.  I also want to start a 30 day picture challenges.  We will see where I end up.

In other news it has been another eventful week.  Tuesday I went with my neighbor to a mixed martial arts class.  It was . . . interesting.  If only I had had my camera then!  When she said it was an exercise class at her gym, I pictured exercise class - you know where the instructor is up front and 10-20 people just do their best to follow along.  But no!  This was like Rocky style boxing gym, with about 15 sweaty guys who I'm sure have spent the last 10 years studying fighting techniques; this was a class where martial arts etiquette is observed, where the instructor examines your every move, where you put on a pair of boxing gloves and yell as you punch your partner, where you practice grappling techniques on the floor. . .and then there's me, who doesn't even really know how to throw a punch and likes to maintain my personal bubble. . . Let's just say I got to know my neighbor a little more intimately than I really wanted to.  I'm sure I looked like an idiot, and I honestly have no intentions of continuing my martial arts training, but it made for a good laugh and a good workout. :)

I also started tending a baby girl two days a week.  I have a whole new respect for those that have more than one kid!  Alex was incredibly jealous; he freaked out when she had the nerve to touch his beloved blanket.  At one point the baby was crying unable to go to sleep, Alex was screaming because I was holding her, and yeah. . .it was rough at times.  Hopefully things will improve!

My parents taught Alex how to control the hose on Sunday.

Talk about ultimate power for a two year old!  He had a grand time squirting grandma, grandpa, and great grandma, watching them attempt to run from the water.  He was laughing so hard he couldn't stand up at times.  It was hilarious. :)

Last but not least, it is Grandma Pitts 75th birthday today.

I asked her to pose for me so I could take her picture for my class; this is what I got. . .Happy birthday Grandma!!  May I grow up to be as glamorous and fun as you are! 

Happy photographing!